“And I,” I automatically corrected.
“Whatever. He dumped me for no reason.” She angrily downed the last of the glass’s contents.
“He didn’t say?”
Ash shook her head, hair arcing out before slapping against her cheeks. “I asked him why and if there was another girl and he just kept saying that he just couldn’t anymore that he once had feelings for me but they’re not there anymore.”
“Asshole.” Before she looked away I noticed her eyes started to glisten. “At least he did it to your face.”
Ash looked back at me and reached across the table to clasp my hand. “I had a good feeling about Jai. I honestly thought he was a good guy.”
“Well, that isn’t true. He ghosted me. Like a coward he just stopped talking to me.” The ease the alcohol had created in my chest was erased in seconds, the angry tightness returning. “I really thought we liked each other properly. You know?”
Ash bobbed her head.
“I didn’t expect it to hurt this much.” I choked out a laugh, the sound so alien to my ears, making me cringe. Feel the hate, don’t let the pain make it into anything else.
Ash slapped the table top, jumped up and yanked on my hand. I had to stand or fall from the chair to the floor, which would be bad for two reasons. The first the carpet in the pub was questionable, after so many years of having alcohol and other fluids spilled on it, it had a soggy feel under foot and I didn’t want to touch it with my hands. The second, security would surely eject us from the establishment thinking that two drinks each was more than we could handle. “Whoa Ash, what the?”
“We need more drinks. And then we’re going to dance and hook up with any of the available guys here.”
I tugged on her grip. “Only making out. I’m calling this a girls night and we’re not ditching the other for a one night stand.”
Ash considered for a minute before giving me a single curt nod and shaking the hand she had captured. “Probably for the best... I’d hate myself if I had angry revenge sex with a stranger just to get back at Lover and I was getting no pleasure from it... no point unless I’m getting satisfaction.”
I was stunned. She made perfect sense with that one sentence. “No point without satisfaction.”
“Why are you repeating me?” Then her eyes widened. “Did I say something smart?”
“No, just wise. I think I have figured out why it felt hard with Jai.”
“Hard,” she smirked.
“I wish. No, I mean I was always worried that I was coming on too strong or was being the annoying one if I texted him and he hadn’t initiated anything; I wasn’t getting any satisfaction. He wasn’t satisfying me and so why the hell did I waste my time?”
Ash shrugged. “Because of the sex?”
“We didn’t get that far.”
“Not at all?”
I shook my head. “I was a little afraid that he wouldn’t want to talk to me afterwards if I jumped him in the first month. That and he kept on pushing me away when we were heading in that direction.”
“Screw what he thinks.”
“Yeah well,” I had no way of finishing that sentence. No idea actually. “Let’s do some shots.” And off we went to the bar.
Half an hour later Ash had ditched me and I was cornered by an old high school friend. “Soooo, how’s about it, Cece?” He leered at my breasts.
“I don’t do casual. Sorry,” I kept my tone light and tried to move away, giving myself an exit strategy if he tried harder.
“We would be hot together.”
I cringed. “Would we be? Would we?” My voice squeaked in disbelief. “See I would be the hot in our situation, no offense, and I would be doing a lot of the work since you happen to be male and that half of our species don’t listen to clitoral direction, which means you would just be in awe of all this, of my crazy awesomeness, but like a groupie. And I like the thought of having a groupie or many to do my bidding, but I don’t want them penetrating me. So that is a definite no. Good talk.”
“Huh?” My old school friend frowned at me. “You’re still as crazy as ever Cece.” And thankfully he wandered off on his own, into the crowd, far far away, out of sight.
I rolled my eyes... actually what the hell was I babbling about? The corners of my mouth tugged upward. I may be crazy but that had been fun and effective. I liked it.
“Jai, would’ve kept up with my craziness...” he would’ve joined in.
I sighed. There it was, the crash back to reality. My throat clamped up and eyes burned. “I need Ash,” desperately I dug through my handbag for my phone. Unlocking it I flicked through my most used numbers, glossing over Jai’s, landing on Ash and dialling the number.
“Hey, Cece!” She screamed over the thudding music.
“Where are you?”
“Are you on the dance floor?”
“Can you come out?”
“Is something wrong?! Hold on, I’m coming to you Cece!”
I pulled my phone away from my ear and took two deep breaths. Why was I getting upset? I don’t know why I was feeling like shit. It hurt. Maybe it was the alcohol that was heightening the rejection. Or the realisation that Jai was yet another guy that I really liked... who didn’t want me.
My phone vibrated and chirped.
Soz for not talking to you what you doing tomorrow night