So I didn't delete Rodger's number, in fact I haven't stopped kissing him.
Everything is so confusing. There has never been a spark between us yet I feel something different towards him, and it is growing. He seems to be on my mind, a lot, which is annoying when I'm trying to plot a story (I will be working on a twist and instead of talking it out in a pretend interview on TV which I find helps organises the thoughts, I'm having fake conversations in my head with him about my stories. Quick, get me therapy) I'm checking for messages more than before and looking forward to seeing him.
I don't want this. I can feel the changes happening already and it scares the shit out of me. I don't want to be dependent on anyone else for anything, especially for happiness. How is that someone else can affect me so much?
I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. If I go back now, I can be the old me. Is it pathetic that I don't want to change? But if I continue and let myself fall... I don't know what's on the other side. Will I be just another girlfriend? Or will I find a happy medium?
I don't know.
So much for just having fun in the moment.