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Merry Christmas

24/12/2014

Christmas is almost here. The carols in the shops and on the television are driving me insane, screaming children are making me want to visit the doctors and have my tubes tied and the bossy tone my grandmother uses to tell me to do something I don't want to do but she thinks its for the best is driving me to drink lots and lots of vodka.

Lots.

It is Christmas time. Those few days in the year when you put on a fake smile, pretend you're close to your family even though you havn't spoken to Aunt Burtrude all year and you are thankful for when it is all finally over.

I know many people are not as cynical about the holidays as I am. But I'm not normal like you. All I want for Christmas is a sleep in, pancakes and to be able to watch anime in peace. All of the other "you're meant to want to do this" stuff isn't for me. And in the interest of public safety don't make me travel, my tolerance levels are down dramatically over the break.

So anyway, Merry Christmas, stay safe and remember don't kill your annoying, condescending creep of a cousin because being a prison bitch isn't worth it. Ho, ho, ho.

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This is pathetic now...

23/12/2014

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I realise how pathetic this sounds (after all we haven't spoken)... but I still want to be with Rodger. Yesterday as I was joking around with friends it struck me how much I wanted to be with him and share things like a visit to the light show at the gardens or the house party I will be attending for New Year's Eve or even just a day of doing nothing more than watching DVDs.

I know I shouldn't hope, that if we do meet up so he can return my shirt (I want to be chicken but then I don't) he will be able to clear everything up as a misunderstanding and we start seeing each other again. When in reality he will say the absolute opposite. Or not. This is killing me! I thought time and distance would help but I'm still confused. I want to be with him, then I don't. I want to hear him out, then I don't. I want my shirt back, then I don't.

Just little things will make me think of him, like a song or a joke, then I'm tumbling back towards wanting him.

What is wrong with me? I don't know if he even wants to be with me anymore.

This is pathetic.

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The library is closed

22/12/2014

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For the next couple of weeks I will be off the grid. This isn’t by choice (I rather enjoy my hour a day on the net) however the library will be closed some days for the holidays. This means no more internet for me. So I will instead be placing the fate of The Blog into the scary claws of the terminators... to be plain, I’m going to be organised, write my posts early and schedule them, hoping they publish themselves on the correct day rather than time travelling into the past or not post at all.

Simple.

So please keep an eye out for my posts as something to distract you for five minutes from family feuds, annoying travel partners or the fact you have to work over the break.

I will be happily sleeping in, dodging chores and doing the round one edits for the three manuscripts the editor has sent back.

Stay safe over the break and enjoy yourself no matter who you are, what you’re doing or who you’re with. See you 2015!

P.S.

Who the hell hasn't read this blog? My grandmother decides to read it for the first time when I called her the devil, now for the first time Rodger has been to my website to read how I call him an asshole.

Friday I received a text (the first contact since Monday) "Sorry it all got fucked up this badly, I will return the shirt and have a talk with you about everything."

Nope!

I can't!

What is there to say? I'm going to be chicken and ignore the message. In fact he can keep the damn shirt.

Though as I went through my call log for Friday night I found he had called me... and I later tried to reach him. Several times. Don't ask what the conversation was about, I have no memory, in fact how did I get home? I do remember my friends confiscating my phone and reminding me Rodger is an asshole.

So next time I drink vodka I will give my phone to someone else for the night so I'm not tempted to hope.

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Hope is a lie

19/12/2014

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It might have been considerate if he had at least messaged me to say "Hey, I've met someone else, she's blonde, busty and younger than you. I'm deleting your number."

Instead I have to hear this from my friend, "Rodger came into the pub I work at yesterday... and he had a girl with him. I mean, she might've been his cousin... well actually he had his arms around her and she matches the description of the other girl he was flirting with."

I had hoped they would just be friends.

That hope was a lie.

Mum held onto me, whispering "he's not worth your tears, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, your father will be happy he doesn't have to share his crumbed cutlets anymore."

Still it hurts. I really liked him. I liked him so much I ignored the three month rule... yeah, it happened once.

So his sob story about an ex-girlfriend cheating on him and the promises he never would or the word "exclusive" really mean nothing coming from his lips. Its a good thing I haven't heard from him since Monday because now I can safely say he's an asshole, wait, a cheating asshole and she is a slut (I don't normally like to use that word but if you have a boyfriend, as she claimed, and you cheat then I sorry you have made yourself into that word. It has nothing to do with numbers).

All I want now is my shirt back... and for him to hurt like I do. No wait. Rot in Hell Rodger!

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Traditions.

18/12/2014

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Tradition is good, as long as it allows contemporary ideas to flourish and incorporate into itself. If it refuses to grow then many will turn their backs on it completely. It is better to have the best of both tradition and contemporary, than it is to abandon one in favour of the others bad points.

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