What if I get into the army and end up hating it?
Everything will be different; my day will be structured, I will be told what to do, how to do it and when, I will leave behind everything familiar. I won't even be allowed to have a pet cat.
Serving my country, travel, adventure, the unknown, learning new skills, creating memories. I say this list like it is a mantra, trying to fight a growing fear. But it isn't just about change, there's a terror of not getting in and staying the same.
What will remain no matter what? My family, my writing addiction... the fear. I don't think I will ever be able to shake that off.
I think I had the Grunt all wrong. The universes didn't send him my way for romance rather to show me that I have to change and do something! (astrologically speaking we were very similar, separated by a couple of moon phases). I admired his strong sense of self and passion for his belief and job. He just knew exactly who he was and what to do. So ignoring the romantic part (which failed spectacularly) I'm looking at the message from the universe.
Still that fear has its claws buried into my shoulders and is holding me back.
P.S 6.1 on the beep test today. Navy minimum.