One whole week; seven days; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. No contact. No text message. No phone call.
Jai just ghosted me.
Do I message him? Should I be the first to break the silence?
I honestly thought that he would text me after, even just a little “goodnight” or “hope you got home safe”. But he didn’t. So if I send a message now will I be annoying? Pushy? Or just that strange girl who can’t let something go when it seems that the other person is not interested anymore?
The date had been so good. We laughed and had fun, or at least I did. Was everything on his side just an act?
And then that kiss...
Why the hell hasn’t he called?
Why am I letting this get to me so much? He’s just some guy. I worried about being the one who asked him out; I worried about giving him the wrong impression if I was too forward or too bitchy or anything. And now I am worried that I’m investing myself too much into something that may just all be in my head because he hasn’t called.
If he wants to be with me, if he wants to see me ever again, then he will call.
Deep breath in... hold.
I am not going to put my life on hold and wait for him to decide that I am good enough for him... so if I happen to be asked out again... and the next guy is someone who doesn’t leave me hanging then I will go out with them. I am going to go to work, do some cleaning, meet up with Ash... and not think, or jump at the phone each time a message comes through, hoping that it will be him.
Great, now I am getting so whiny and annoying I don’t want to listen to myself anymore. But I can’t escape my head.
Why am I obsessing over this? Yes it would’ve been nice to have someone that I could have a relationship with who wasn’t an idiot and who could kiss like that... maybe I just wanted someone to be there. Surely that’s it. I’m lonely. It wasn’t Jai specifically that I wanted. Any guy could do. Yeah, that has to be it.
Normally, that doesn’t bother me, being on my own.
Great, so that wasn’t it. Not just any guy will fill in the space. It has to be him.
I liked him. I really did. He made me feel... good. Even when we couldn’t talk to each other because our schedules never met up and our text messages were missed, I still felt good and knew that he would get back to me.
It doesn’t feel the same way now.
If he had just been another guy, someone I flirted with at the pub, who didn’t have a brain but was good for filling in time, then maybe this rejection wouldn’t sting so much. Instead it was a person with whom I made a conscious effort of not pushing them away with my sarcasm. A person I didn’t want to lose from my life.
If he didn’t like me then why in hell did he ask for my number and then texted me and then met me for dinner and then kissed me? Why do all that just to disappear?
Did he meet someone new? Did an ex-girlfriend come back into his life? Or is he just another dickhead? I’m voting for the last one. His true colours have come out and he is a knob.
And I feel ridiculous.
It was only a handful of weeks, how could I become so attached in that short amount of time? We’d only seen each other a grand total of twice.
Funny, normally I keep my guard up for ages; I haven’t had a crush for years. I flipped the switch years ago and haven’t really felt anything towards guys since. It was easier. That way if they rejected me then it didn’t hurt or if they didn’t follow through I wasn’t disappointed.
Jai, somehow got my defence down. He made me flick the switch and made me like like him. Which means it hurts now. It was like that kiss in the car woke me up and I realise how stupid that sounds but it really feels like that, that stupid Disney crap. Oh God. Nope, I am not going to break into song and dance around with some woodland creatures.
I am going to delete Jai’s number... only if he doesn’t message me by next week. After that, he is gone.
Text from Ash:
Hey Cece whats happening with the new man? ;P
Text from Cecelia:
Nothing. We went out last week to dinner; I haven’t heard from him since.
Text from Ash:
Want to go to the pub this Friday?
Text from Cecelia: