As she searched throughout the land of Singleton all she found were cowardly lions, heartless tin men and brainless scarecrows, none of which embodied at least some sort of maturity and charm.
So sick and tired of listening to Paige’s dating soap operas her three good fairy friends Alice, Angela and Alex decided to shut her up with a blind date.
This date had to be the scrummiest, piping hot beef cake that had ever walked the land of Singleton. So where do you buy one?
You don’t because Singleton has crappy shopping.
Instead the three good fairy friends decided to bake a man, relying heavily upon the heavenly expertise of Betty Crocker’s cake boxes.
While baking, the three added their own ideas of the ideal man:
Angela sprinkled sugar and spice for everything nice.
Alice chopped hot chillies to give him a fiery heart.
And Alex secretly added a drop of his own blood for perfection.
Twenty minutes of baking... “It’s alive!” Alex threw back his head and shouted. “It’s alive!” And so the creature was baked. He emerged from the oven fully risen (hint, hint) with an edible physique and smelling sinfully sweet.
In unison Alice and Angela drooled.
That night, at Paige’s party she was introduced to the mysterious stranger. “Hello, my name is Paige,” she said and held out her hand daintily.
He took it and smiled, his chocolate eyes melting Paige’s self respect. “I’m Franken-Bake. Would you like to dance?”
The night was magical. He was delicious, everything he did to her was mouth-watering, which those things are the types of things mothers should never be informed of.
Unfortunately the morning after was a wakeup call to compost it. It was the first time Paige saw him in the light of day, far removed from the smoky shadows of the pub.
Overnight, Franken-Bake lost the fresh crispness to his obviously baked flesh. He was thick and gluggy and a thin watery layer had grown over him. Waking up with that made Paige gag.
Paige didn’t learn from this experience. She continued to date the perishable and complained to her friend about her relationship’s expiry date. That is until she ended up married to an overweight geek and spawned several children.