He thinks my laugh is cute.
Her stomach clenched.
Don’t fall for it, a smarter part of her brain whispered. He had his chance eighteen months ago and went cold. Anything he suggests now won’t happen, you know that.
The smile slipped.
“I know,” she admitted aloud. “He’s good in the moment, so maybe I could pretend and just have fun now. In the morning he’ll probably forget that we had this conversation…”
Don’t fall for it.
I know you’re busy with work, but I’d like to see you. Maybe we could watch anime together.
Wendy swallowed. There it is, his move. And that’s pretty smooth. Forget Netflix and chill. At least we have anime in common. But he hasn’t suggested a time, nor specified where we’d be watching this anime… just like last time, leaving the decisions up to me because he’s, what? Scared? Shy? Incapable of making a choice?
I’d like that. Maybe I could find some free time.
As soon as she hit send, she knew it was a lie.
“Yeah, I think he’s attractive and we have fun talking about anime… it’s just not enough for me to get excited. I can’t even get motivated to see my friends when I have a day off.” And it isn’t because I’m tired or getting old. At least I can admit that to myself.
That would make me happy.
“Shit.” Now I feel like a bitch.
Wendy made up some excuse to end the conversation for the night, sent the text, and turned off her phone, before collapsing into bed.
“Would he still want to be friends if I told him the truth? I don’t want to make the effort and leave the house or have him come over. It’ll interrupt my routine and I have to act polite and I just can’t.” She buried her head into the pillow. “I can’t even make the commitment to go and see an old friend. She’s even told me that she’s feeling lonely and I’m just saying I’m too busy. Gah, I’m a terrible person.”
But other things like going skating or travelling for geek conventions, they were the things she jumped up to do. And the reason why she knew she was making excuses for not socialising. If she wasn’t too tired or busy to do those things she loved, then why was she saying she was to her friends and to this boy?
“If I was a good person,” she muttered into the pillow. “I would make the effort. I care about these people and should spend time with them.”
She rolled and stared at the ceiling. “Maybe I’m becoming more like him, he kept making excuses when I first asked him to coffee. I wonder if this is how he felt…” Wendy touched her fingers to her lips. “I don’t think I’ll try to make time for him. That feeling isn’t there anymore,” her lips danced under her finger tips and tingled. “I’m just not the same girl, anymore.”