Or so I thought.
To a different generation, this break of silence is sacrilegious. In a conversation thread on facebook an author asked if anyone had the “Sex and the City” life where they share intimate details of relationships with their friends. Almost instantly, this author’s associates condemned the act, many saying their husbands were the only ones they spoke to about sex and that’s the way it should be. It was “unrealistic” for anyone to discuss sex with friends as if they were workshopping the idea.
Pardon? Unrealistic? Shouldn’t be talking?
Then I responded. Mwahaha.
I am a twenty-something year old un-married woman, and I discuss my sex life, love life and relationships with my friends. We do workshop ideas. But these friends, I am close to and I trust them. We exchange information, reassure each other, worry about sexual health, and vent. Essentially, we are the emotional and moral support to each other. Sometimes cocktails are involved. Most times we’re sober.
Perhaps it’s a generational thing; many who commented and left their age were a few decades ahead of me. They grew up in a time when you didn’t talk about “it” and you didn’t do “it” until your wedding night. I can understand that they have a trusted partner who isn’t going to ghost them (never call and disappear) who most likely is their best friend. So of course they’re not going to get the girls together for a discussion about introducing more kink because things are a little dull. But there were a couple of women who said that they talked to their friends even though they were married. Interesting. Maybe it’s a personal choice. This isn’t about putting everyone into a generational stereotype. I’m trying to tell you that communication is important.
Talking is good and it can help with;
- Mental health. You’re not alone in a situation, others have been in the same position and can help.
- Confidence. Learning to speak up for what you want and don’t want and being able to clearly state and describe the act without shutting down verbally because you’re too embarrassed.
- Finding the right support. Talking to someone is great emotionally, but if you’re describing something that requires professional medical advice or even legal guidance friends can help you seek that and support you throughout the process.
- Learning from each other. Tips and hints and new ideas. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. That’s how I learned how to give a blow job in theory.
Essentially, I’m saying we shouldn’t condemn a person (or a generation) for whom they choose to confide in. We all need support from those we trust, be it friends or a spouse. Talking is good. It sure beats feeling depressed because sex didn’t turn out the way it was described in fiction and you never want to try again. Why feel alone and odd for having a fetish when you could find out a friend thinks the same way and has been trying it out with her boyfriend and they’re having fun? It might be the encouragement you need to explore that kink.
Maybe my generation has been raised to be different, to communicate more and to consider our wants and needs first, and one of those wants and needs is someone who is going to be around longer than the last guy I kissed and will listen and respond.
Do I think I have a “Sex and the City” life? Occasionally. Maybe if I had more of a love life I’d have more to talk about, oh I can hear my poor inner princess crying and eating ice-cream from the vat.