Seafood. No matter how many times we tell my grandmother she refuses to believe my father (and the rest of us) dislike seafood. "He ate it the first time we met him," she counters with. That's because he didn't want to be rude twenty odd years ago.
Crap food. I've learnt a trick to avoid nibbling on undercooked potatoes and dry meat (where's the damn sauce?!) eat before going. Takeaway anyone?
Obligatory comparison in a condescending tone. "This cousin has achieved this and that cousin is doing that amazing thing... now April when are you giving me great grandbabies?" because that is the only achievement I am worthy of, apparently, and I fail at it (Thank Gods).
The obvious question, "So who is this boy?" This will be the first year I will have a lover (not calling Rodger boyfriend) and even though he wont be making an appearance (maybe I should invite him to mix my drinks) I will still be grilled on our "relationship". Which will lead to another obvious question "When are you going to make me a great-granny?" Answer: Never! Not till you're in an urn, devil!
Never enough chairs. What's up with that? I'll have to sit on the floor again this year. Why do I even bother wearing a nice dress?
I will be drinking alcohol. Obviously.
Now the whole day wont be a complete waste, mum's cousins (the good relations) will be there and they're fun. It is just my grandmother (who is in fact the devil) I don't get along with and drives me to drink. Add in my aunt and uncle for this year's lunch and I'm going to need double blacks.
Can't you just feel the joy blah, blah, blah? Who am I kidding? Maybe I could fake my own death? Then I wouldn't have to go, I could instead watch anime. That has merit.