But it isn't the prospect of having an injured person dependent on me in the future that is making me uncomfortable. It happens to the hands on side of checking a patient particularly with a certain dude.
Our instructor is amazing, ex-paramedic and has taught first aid to thousands of students, he is calm and thorough. A good bloke.
The guy I was paired with to do the second check (where if the patient is breathing normally you go from head to toe checking for bleeding and breaks and any damage to the soft tissue) had that creepy look as he looked into my eyes. It was rather uncomfortable. I didn't like the way he was running his hands over my head and round my eyes and then over my collar bone. Cringe. Thank goodness the instructor stopped him from placing his hand in the middle of my chest and instead demonstrated how to do it and moved onwards to the belly. I didn't like it. All I could do was stare at the ceiling and not flinch.
How could I say "Stop, I don't like that" when this is part of our training? I could very well end up in a situation where I must do something I don't feel comfortable with in order to aid someone injured.
It would've been rude and mean if I leapt away and refused to participate anymore.
But isn't that in a way crossing a line? You know that line where we should be able to simply say "no" and walk away from the situation because it is uncomfortable? I don't know if I should've handled it differently, if maybe I need to talk to someone, but it was just me uncomfortable not a lewd act being performed. So what am I meant to do? How far do things have to go before it is something that can be reported?
Or should I shrug it off? After all, it was only my reaction, it could very well be I have misinterpreted his intentions... no, that isn't true. The instructor was also touching me to show what needed to be done and I didn't feel uncomfortable. The instructor was treating me like a patient, my gender came into it briefly, but it wasn't how he saw me.
I don't know, I just felt very uncomfortable and I don't want to be in that situation again and that is why for bandages I jumped to paired up with someone else.